an ode to shellfish / bathing in mussel juice
hold on to your butt for this one
Today’s recipe: mussels in white wine sauce. Scroll down to skip the story and get cooking.
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There are a few things that I can make that my girlfriend enjoys so much that I’m not even allowed to make them without her.
Those things include:
fresh shrimp spring rolls w/ spicy peanut sauce
creamy tomato soup + grilled cheese
chili (yup, chili)
buffalo wings
and mussels in white wine sauce
If I make any of these without her, she takes it personally.
But tonight, she was studying on the other side of the city, and as I was grocery shopping, something interesting and unusual caught my eye.
A sale.
On mussels.
A kilo of mussels.
A kilo of mussels for under two dollars.
Now let me just say this loudly and clearly before I move on.
I’ll put it in big bold words so you can understand me clearly.
Under no circumstance should you buy a kilogram of shellfish that’s on sale for under two dollars at the end of the night.
Don’t do it.
Just don’t.
Just ignore it and move on your way.
“Oh but why would they sell something that’s not good for you to eat” Listen I’m just telling you not to do it.
Don’t do it.
Okay?
Don’t.
So anyways I bought the mussels.
This was near the end of my grocery trip, so I had to head back downstairs to grab an inexpensive bottle of chardonnay to cook with. (which is, of course, should you open the bottle, your moral responsibility, your ethical duty, to finish.)
As I stood in line and contemplated the possible probable oncoming stomach issues I might deal with later that night, my mind began floating to other core memories of my life.
What led me to this exact moment, what led me HERE, to a grocery store in Seoul on a Monday night, holding a box of (maybe) expired shellfish and a cheap bottle of wine?
Why do shellfish call to me like the sirens of Greek mythology?
My mind floated back to that fateful random episode from one of Anthony Bourdain’s many shows that I stumbled upon in my youth.
An episode where he rolled up the bottom of his pants, sloshed into the clear water of the Mediterranean with a rusty knife, popped an oyster off the side of a rock, jacked it open, and slurped it down with a look of pure ecstasy on his face.
The wildness, the simplicity, the freshness of grabbing something from the ocean and immediately devouring it — it spoke to me through the TV — and I didn’t even know what it tasted like. I’d never left the country, never eaten anything raw, but it sent a shockwave down my spine.
My mind jumped forward to my dad’s 50th birthday. My mom threw him a huge surprise party at our house. I remember my dad being shocked and happy (which was notable, because of his tendency to hate surprises).
But I more remember the food truck full of fresh oysters that drove into our backyard that day.
“How many can I eat?” I asked my mom.
“As many as you want,” she answered.
Oh, my dear sweet mother. You shouldn’t have told me that.
How do I say this delicately?
I fucked that shit up. Pretty sure I was just shy of triple digits that night. Surely I pooped a lot afterwards.
Apparently I even got drunk and took over shucking duties for the oyster man. In another life, I would have been a good shuckster. Shucker. Shuckinator.
Fast forward half a decade to my first year in Korea. A few friends and I took a trip to Busan (the Eastern beach city of Korea) and ate our weight in seafood.
On the last night, we went to one of the infinite amount of pojangmachas (little miniature outdoor tent restaurants). I demanded we stop so I could get some fresh oysters. Oddly enough, no one in my group wanted any, so I devoured plate after plate to myself, crushing bottle after bottle of soju to complement them.
The old ajumma loved me so much, she kept giving me free plates of oysters. I was a happy boy.
The next day, I had the worst food poisoning of my life. We went to the station to wait for the bus, and I must have set a record for “Most Shits and Vomits Within an Hour.” I then had to go onto a tiny packed bus and sit like a sardine in traffic for about 9 hours.
Thank you, Busan ajumma. I will never forget your kindness.
Fast forward one last time, a few years later to 2020 — taking a road trip with my not-yet girlfriend to an oyster farm.
The very same trip where I finally asked her to be my girlfriend. The very same trip where she was going to break up with me if I didn’t ask her to be my girlfriend. (apparently I am very dumb and slow and do not take hints well)
We ate alien-baby-sized oysters. HUMONGO oysters. She was the one that brought me, and even she got grossed out after a few.
But I persisted. I slurped and I slurped and I burped and I slurped. I cut my hand open on one of the shells that led to excessive bleeding, but still, I persisted.
What is it about these little animals that make (some of) us so willing to put our bodies on the line?
I didn’t even mention the unavoidable toil of cracking shell after crab shell for just a sliver of that sweet, sweet crab meat.
I wrote a poem about it.
Oh, ye shellfish
My heartbreaking love
I will shit for thee
I will shit for thee
Some things in life are just worth the pain.
So, hello, Elliott here again. I wrote the whole first part of this drunk after clearing a kilo of mussels and a bottle of wine to the dome. I went back to edit it the morning after and found surprisingly little to fix. Even “I will shit for thee” made the cut. (sorry)
But I do realize it was not the best piece to really sell shellfish.
sell shellfish sell shellfish sell shellfish
Mussels are God damn amazing. And as opposed to the point(?) of the preceding article — they are incredibly easy to make.
Not only that, they’re one of the most visually appealing things you can serve that make people think you just spent hundreds of dollars and hours of your life to make.
(I spent maybe 10 bucks including the bottle of wine?)
Tonight, I’m going to teach you something that looks ridiculously bougie, but is actually pretty easy. You just can’t beat the ROI on this taste and impress…ivity?
Please ignore my crass humor in part one — just make sure to buy your mussels from somewhere you trust and make sure they’re fresh.
Just fyi, my stomach was fine after the sale mussels. If you like to live life on the edge, just follow the steps below carefully when you buy your “clearance” mussels. I…still wouldn’t recommend it though. Do as I say, not as I do.
Either way, this one for SURE needs to be added to your date night arsenal.
Mussels in White Wine Sauce
This can easily be adapted into a pasta, but I prefer just enjoying mussels with the sauce and some crusty bread. You do you.
Ingredients:
As a pasta, this serves 2 easy. On its own, I’d say it’s more of a filling appetizer, but will still suffice as a solid dinner.
Necessities:
~ 1 kilo of mussels (2 pounds)
4-6 (bigger) cloves of garlic, minced
1 small onion, diced
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
3/4 cup of white wine
S + P
If you’re feelin’ extra:
1/4 cup fresh parsley or basil or cilantro
1/4 cup chicken stock or spoon of chicken stock extract
1 tbsp. butter
1 tsp. red chili flakes
Juice of 1/2 a lemon
Parmesan for topping
Steps:
1 - Clean and debeard the mussels. Put your mussels in a colander and run water over them. Use your hands to rub off any seaweed, sand, and mud spots on the shell. Pull off the “beards” of the mussels, which are those kind of hair-like strands running out of the shell.
This is arguably the most tedious part of the recipe. Those little beards aren’t edible, so you have to make sure you go through and get them out. If your mussels are farm-raised, they should already be pretty clean and debearded, but still make sure they’re good. The place I get my mussels are usually not cleaned or debearded so it can take a little while.
2 - IMPORTANT! If any of the mussels are open, tap them hard with your finger or on the side of your counter. If they close after the impact, that means they’re alive and ready to be cooked. If it doesn’t close, it’s dead. WHICH MEANS DON’T EAT IT. If it has a crack in the shell, DON’T EAT IT. If it smells fishy, DON’T EAT IT. Trust me. Toss them to the side, those ones are no good.
3 - In a large frying over medium-low heat, sauté your diced onions for a few minutes in the olive oil, then add your garlic for another minute or two. Season here with salt and pepper, and (optional) red chili flakes if you like it spicy.
Salting early in the cooking process like this allows you to infuse flavor into your base ingredients which will make your end product way tastier.
Adding spices like pepper and red chili flakes early into the oil will allow them to “bloom,” which amplifies the flavor of the spice. You’re flavoring the oil which will spread to the rest of your dish.
You’re going to need a big pot or pan as well as something to cover it. I usually use my wok-like pan to fit all the mussels in.
4 - Pour in your white wine and (optional) lemon juice. Let it reduce down until the smell of alcohol goes away. It should end up being about half the amount you poured in. Add the (optional) chicken stock as well.
Why do we cook with wine? According to allrecipes.com, “The alcohol in wine doesn’t add flavor to dishes as much as it makes other ingredients taste better. The alcohol helps releases flavor molecules in foods and assists in dissolving fats, allowing ingredients to reveal their own unique flavors in ways that other liquids (like water or broth) or fats (like butter and olive oil) cannot.”
In this case, it’s going to amplify the juice that comes from the mussels into literally the greatest sauce known to man.
The chicken stock is purely optional. If you happen to have it, add it in and give it a little bit more flavor. I usually have this chicken stock concentrate that’s popular in Korea and just add a little spoon of it in. Be aware of how salty whatever you’re using is.
4 - Add the mussels into your pan and cover. Let them steam for about 3-4 minutes or until the mussels have opened up. After, add in the (optional) butter and mix it all up.
If you’re not experienced in cooking with seafood, you’ll be surprised at how quickly it cooks. A couple minutes and it’s done. Mussels are super easy because they have a very obvious sign of being finished, they just open up. The second they’re done, stop cooking them. You don’t want to overcook them or they’ll get rubbery. This goes for all seafood.
The magic of this dish are the juices that come out of the mussels and mix with your base white wine sauce.
5 - Serve the mussels in a bowl or a dish that can hold the liquids. Top with optional parsley, parmesan, S+P to taste. Serve with crusty bread so you can mop up every last drop of the sauce.
Easy with the S+P here. Try it first. The mussel juice is already salty.
Crusty bread is non-negotiable for me. I’ll eat a whole loaf to myself just to make sure none of that sauce goes to waste.
More notes:
If any of them stay closed after cooking, don’t waste your time trying to open it. It’s dead. Don’t eat it.
You can do this exact same thing with clams or scallops or other shellfish.
That’s it for the second issue guys.
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Good stuff, Elliott. I think you have a stronger stomach than most!
Aww Elliott, unfortunately I don't share your love for oysters and mussels! And I was feeling psychosomatic tummy rumbles just reading about the discounted seafood lol. :)))