how I weirdly kind of lost my passion for cooking

but we're back baby

It’s been two years since I’ve touched this newsletter. I apologize to you, I apologize to the gods of food, I apologize to myself.

To be honest, an interesting development happened in my life about two years ago. After yet another agonizing relapse of back pain, I started taking my health much more seriously. I started going to physical therapy, I got much more serious exercising the right way, and most notably, I actually started learning about what I put into my body.

My back got leaps and bounds better over time. Although I still have issues here and there, I’m in the best condition I’ve been in since I was 22.

And although I had been “weightlifting” since high school (air quotes because it was mostly ego-lifting with high school friends and frat bros), I started from square one and really taught myself how to lift correctly.

But what changed my life the most, in many ways, was learning about nutrition.

The simple process of downloading a calorie counting app and beginning to track macros made the most simple, mundane eating and grocery-shopping habits in my life incredibly eye-opening.

Like…this tiny fucking piece of bread has THIS many calories? I have to eat HOW much protein to gain muscle? Why is a couple drops of oil wrecking my macros for the entire day?

an illuminating chore

However, the previously-mentioned “interesting” (and kind of depressing) side effect of taking care of my health was that I lost a bit of passion for cooking. Anyone who has set serious diet and fitness goals knows that it’s an absolute GRIND just to meet your protein goals, learn about what you can and can’t eat, and fit all of that + exercise + work into 24 hours a day is exhausting.

The creative and free cooking I used to do, tossing an extra pad of butter here, spending hours braising meats there, although fun — was completely counterproductive and inefficient to my new goals. Nowadays, my cooking is boring and efficient, mostly meal prepping ungodly amounts of chicken, beef, and fish so that I always have protein ready to go.

Don’t get me wrong, I still allow myself a cheat day once a week. I just took a break from writing to destroy a box of Popeyes.

and stopping once a week kbbq was never up for debate

It took every ounce of energy and willpower to commit to this new healthier lifestyle. And honestly, while hard, it was incredibly fulfilling learning so much and working hard towards these new goals. I crushed them and felt good doing it. For instance, I’m near the end of a cut as we speak, and I’ve lost about 6 kilos (~13 pounds) over the past month and a half. Not bad.

progress!

I’m pretty comfortable with the lifestyle now. I eat healthier without thinking, I’m fine with my somewhat boring, repetitive meals. But in other aspects of my life, I did feel myself falling a bit into complacency.

Business has been booming, which is amazing. But there’s something weird about the success that kind of made me push my more creative pursuits to the back of my mind. Something weird that kind of whispers to me that, well hey, we’re doing really great with our business, do I really need to expend energy in other things that don’t bring in money?

Why write in my silly little newsletter if I don’t need it to ever become a money-making machine?

Actually writing that down and confronting this thought process of mine was a bit of a shock.

It’s quite a shit way to see life, only expending energy for money and letting my passions fall by the wayside. As my peers and I slog through our 30s, I’m sure I’m not the only one guilty of this mindset.

I hadn’t written creatively in a while, I stopped playing music as much, and as mentioned, I hadn’t cooked much either.

So I’m changing.

I’ve been actively pushing myself recently to get my creative juices flowing again, after neglecting them for literal years. My wonderful girlfriend bought me a new electric piano. I’ve started carrying a notepad with me everywhere to collect the occasional curious thoughts I have out and about. I even started an online drawing class. And I’m planning on getting back into the kitchen to make something new (and not macro-focused) at least once a week.

But most importantly, I’m pushing myself to write again.

And I missed talking about food with you guys.

That was just a long-winded way of saying I’ll be on here posting again, whether it’s recipes like the good ol’ days, places I go to eat here in Seoul, maybe a little somethin’ somethin’ about my health journey, or on my other more life-focused newsletter, Dirty Maps and Mirrors.

This newsletter will be my little accountability partner yet again, to keep creating stuff and throwing it into the world to see what comes back out.

Tangy Language season 3?